Fearful flyers often hide their fears from their closest friends or even from their partners. The reason for this is to avoid embarrassment confrontation or discussion about the problem. Quite often the subject is only raised for discussion when the anxiety becomes so intense that the sufferer is unable to commit to a flight. This sometimes comes as a shock to the friend or partner

Typically, arrangements will have been made for travel without an objection being made, genuinely in the hope that the fear will have subsided by the time the flight is  due to be taken. Sometimes the truth is not revealed until immediately prior to boarding.

The strain put on friendships when this happens is enormous, the feelings of guilt and weakness for the person causing the ‘problems’ are considerable. They feel totally and solely responsible for the ensuing chaos which often leaves a legacy of worry for the next occasion.

It seems unimaginable that even the closest relationships can be put under strain just because of  a fear of flying but we know of cases where honeymoons have been cancelled  at the airport or where a recently married couple have had to cut short their honeymoon to travel back overland.

The support of a partner or friend is invaluable to someone who fears flying, however the  support often gives unreliable and sometimes unwanted results. Why is this, after all someone who cares for the person involved would give unqualified support. Well this is certainly the intention but it is frequently a long way from what is actually needed or wanted. Because of this we have included this information on our website. And don’t forget that our social network for fearful flyers isn’t just for fearful flyers…it has lots of tips for supporters too.

A hearty slap on the back and a “You’ll be alright” will not work. Neither will being inconsiderate ” Oh not this again..just pull yourself together you’ll be alright, I don’t know what  you’re worrying for” Another popular style of help is the ” You should have been on the flight with me  …now that’s something to be scared of…we must have dropped ten thousand feet, the turbulence was horrendous  I’m amazed the wings didn’t come off it.”

The reason that these ludicrous statements are made is that no real thought or discussion has been  involved. Here’s our guide to helping your loved one, partner, friend to deal with their fear. So if you’re the anxious flyer and your supporter doesn’t know how to help you …send them here..and then send them to this information…and then get them to see what a fear of flying is all about. And if they really want to help you get them to accompany you on one of our courses.

The supporter should;

1. Be supportive but firm
2. Do what the fearful flyer asks
3. Ask what you can do for them
4. Not give advice, give support
5. Be patient but firm
6. Not not listen to wishful thinking
7. Encourage realistic thinking
8. Not say.. it’ll be alright
9. Never underestimate the fear
10. Always be kind and considerate but firm
11. Not listen to self doubt
12. Make supportive statement
13. Ask them to explain what’s going on around them
14. Say it’s ok to be a little anxious
15. Let them take some anxiety along for the ride
16. Tell them to stay in the present
17. Not ‘fortune tell’.
18. Ask what sort of support they need
19. Ask for the evidence that supports their fearful view of things
20. Not allow avoidance strategies
21. Know about the features of a fear of flying
22. Not allow wishful thinking. eg ” I hope the weather will be nice.”

The anxious flyer should;

1. Explain what causes their anxiety
2. Tell the supporter exactly what sort of help they need i.e.  conversation or silence involvement or exclusion
3. Have thought stopping techniques
4. Have supportive statements to repeat
5. Know about diaphragmatic breathing
6. Know muscle relaxation techniques
7. Accept help
8. Recognise the difficulties of their supporter